I’ll admit it. As a military wife, making new friends isn’t always at the top of my priority list. I don’t find it difficult to do, really. I just can’t seem to find time in my schedule to do it. It is especially hard to justify the effort when I know that our time at this current base is limited and the friendship will likely be temporary. I tell myself that I’ll have plenty of time to make lasting friendships when my husband retires in a few more years. But will I? Military or not, I imagine many of us have wondered at some point how homeschooling parents can socialize.
I left the workforce three and a half years ago and moved to a different state. I became a stay-at-home mom and moved a an entirely new place that I love, but where I felt somewhat isolated. My husband and I immediately became pregnant with twins, so I was somewhat housebound for a while. Then my father died a few weeks after the twins were born, leaving me with essentially no family left.
Although I have a wonderful husband and several true friends I reach out to daily via text or the occasional phone call, I was lonely. I remember crying on the day my husband had to return back to work after his convalescent leave period when the twins were born. I didn’t know how I was going to get through the next 8 hours without his help and I felt sad, hopeless, and alone.
A local friend would have been nice to have right about then. Someone to call in case of emergency, mental or physical!
A few months after the twins were born, we began homeschooling. I realized that my loneliness was even more compounded. I spent even more time at home, focused on my children, and less on my own needs. We hardly left the house, and we all needed a friend. It was rough. I began to understand how important it was that homeschooling parents socialize too!
Homeschooling can be Lonesome
You know, it’s funny. When most people talk about homeschooling and socialization, they refer to the children! One of the number one questions I get asked about homeschooilng is how I provide socialization opportunities for my kids.
But what about us, the moms?! Or dads?
I gave up a significant part of my identity and ability to make friends by making the choice to leave the workforce and raise/educate my children myself. We don’t have a nanny or even an occasional babysitter. As a military family, we don’t have nearby family to drop the kids off with so that my husband and I can enjoy an occasional night out.
We don’t get to choose where we live. The Air Force sent us to a small town in rural South Carolina with limited social activities within a reasonable driving distance. Because my twins are in their terrible 2’s and make shopping (or most other activities) almost impossible, I choose to do grocery pick-up and do tasks online whenever I can.
My husband is the only other adult I interact with most days of the week. You can imagine how homeschooling gets lonely for the parents, too. Because of this, I would argue that homeschooling parents need to socialize just as much as as homeschooled children do!
Finally Socializing
After the first few months of my daughter’s Kindergarten year, I found a Facebook support group for homeschooling parents of our local military installation. I am not a social media fan, but I reluctantly decided to join the group to find my children some socialization opportunities. Through this group, we attended field trips, activities, and other events the group posted. My kids loved the opportunity to play with new friends in exciting new environments (the fire station and a farm!). I enjoyed the educational aspect of the activities, and the break in routine was nice!
We also began attending the “Fun Friday” program our library hosted every week. In fact, the library turned out to be a better socialization opportunity than the park! There, my kids were able to play with other children in a safe, educational environment. We always did a craft of some soft, and we ended up going home with lots of fun books! It was a win-win situation for everyone.
After attending a few of these events, I began to notice many of the same moms at both the Facebook group events and the library. So I naturally started to strike up conversations with some of them. And the strangest thing happened:
We had things in common. Lots of things!
Many of these moms shared the same sentiments with me. The struggles of managing kids, homeschooling, and a household with a deployed husband. The difficulties of raising twins. Horror stories of base housing or their last move that didn’t go so well. The last nanny that left them high and dry. The list went on and on and on!
Not Alone
I realized that these moms were a lot like me. For the first time in a long time, I wasn’t alone. These moms (and a few dads) were subconsciously reaching out, hopeful to find friends, or at least someone to talk to, as well! These events allowed homeschooling parents to socialize with other parents in their same positions. We all welcomed the opportunity!
I began to really look forward to socialization events. Not just for my kids’ sake, but for my own as well! As we started to attend more activities, I got to know a few moms better. It was so nice to meet and engage in conversations with people who understood the complexities of being a homeschooling mom! For the first time since leaving the workforce, I had a real opportunity to meet friends. It was exciting!
When a mom and I click (and our kids, of course), we exchange numbers and try to schedule get-togethers. Playdates don’t always happen, but it’s nice to have someone to talk to anyway! Sometimes, the other mom and I just casually text each other throughout the day. These conversations vary. We seek advice for dinner ideas, ask for help with our Cricut machines, or vent about issues bothering us. Playdate or not, I have found a few of my own friends by trying to socialize my kids!
I now have a few friends who we meet up with when we can. Our get-togethers vary from meeting up for ice cream to going over to someone’s house for arts & crafts activities. Having the ability to talk to another mom is like free therapy (and I’m sure my husband appreciates it)! Also, I find that promised playdates work as wonderful motivational tools for my kids to clean their rooms or do other not-s0-exciting chores. 🙂
Building new friendships takes work and time, but the effort really is worth it. When homeschooling parents socialize, they also teach their children how to socialize and the importance of friendships. Making new friends also increases your networking, so to speak. It never hurts to know someone who can help in a situation that might occur. Because of my socialization efforts, my friends now include a graphic designer, a dietician, a nurse, a former elementary teacher, and a gardener. And this is exactly what friends are for…to help in life’s situations!
My Recommendations
I want to share some advice for homeschooling parents to socialize effectively using their children’s socialization opportunities! There’s no reason homeschooled kids should be the only ones making friends!
1. Attend Regularly-Scheduled Events.
Try attending recurring scheduled events (like a regularly scheduled zoo event for homeschooling families, for example). This will increase your chance of seeing the same families more than once. You can get to know other parents through these events, and see how well your children (and you) interact. If after a few meetings all goes well, then consider taking it a step further and schedule a playdate (you can find some great tips for hosting a playdate from this article by Parents magazine).
2. Make Time to Mingle.
If you want time to actually talk to and meet other parents, try to attend socialization events in which your children will need little supervision. This will allow you to hold conversations with other moms while minimally supervising your children. I’ve had to turn down many events at one of our local parks simply because it doesn’t have a fence. My twins love to run off in opposite directions, and it causes too much stress on me to chase them the entire time. I can’t meet other parents or watch my other 2 children at all, so it’s unproductive for everyone! Except the twins, I guess, who are getting great exercise!
3. Join a Facebook Group.
One of the best ways for homeschooling parents to socialize is to find and join a Facebook homeschooling support group. That’s ultimately what worked for me! My Facebook group is extremely active, always positive and supportive, and posts events and activities that pique almost every interest. There are also ongoing threads looking for support, simple introductions, curriculum advice, etc. I didn’t even have a Facebook account but made one specifically to join this support group, and I’m glad I did. We’ve met new friends and have attended many fun events since joining this group. Take a look and see if you can find one in your local area!
4. Take Advantage of Activities Your Children Already Participate In
Perhaps your children are already involved in a youth sports program, youth programs at the YMCA, dance, gymnastics, martial arts, etc. The regularly scheduled practice times of your children’s events are great times to get to know other parents (no interruptions!). Make a point to stick around for practices so that you can get to know the other parents. By getting to know parents at these events, you will probably meet some who don’t homeschool, giving you a nice diversity in your pool of friends.
Final Thoughts
We all know the many challenges of homeschooling our children. But the rewards are even greater, which is why we continue on this journey! Along the way, don’t lose sight of your needs as a homeschooling parent. Homeschooling can become lonely, and it’s okay to admit it. But then reach out! Enjoy the excitement of meeting new people at the various events, activities, and meet-ups you use to socialize your own children! By striking up a conversation with just a few parents, you’ll likely find someone with whom you have plenty in common. And who knows? You may form a lasting friendship for years to come!